Adjusting to the change

[William Rivas]

Hey everyone,
I'm currently 20 years old and just beginning a new path in life. I made a complete turn around from the path I was on last summer, and now i am doing things properly in life. I try to stay positive, but I've been negative for so long its a bad habit that I am working on. I see life through new eyes, and although so many questions have been answered for me, I'm still stuck with the question, Where do I go from here? I feel ahead of the pack when it comes to my own age range, so when having a conversation I feel limited to what I can speak about. I keep to myself for the most part, and am very observational of how society functions. I listen for signs of consciousness in music, movies, and books. I read all kinds of books as long as i can truly get into them ( I can have the attention span of a goldfish at times lol) I have set goals in my life, but now i feel like I have a long, lonely road ahead of me. I just feel isolated and i guess i would like any suggestion on how to occupy my time, and accept the feeling of being an outcast.

[Melissa, the real Horatio]

Thanks for sharing yourself with us, William. I am a person who tends to be very observant also, and that makes me feel and seem aloof at times. I generally find that aloofness, and the mental/spiritual isolation that often follows from it, are within me. In other words, I more often cast myself out than I am cast out by others. If I make an effort to connect with other people, I usually find that it is worth my while.

Coming here is one way to do that! :-)

Much love, Melissa

[William Rivas]

Thanks melissa, I find it difficult to connect with people of my own age range just because i feel i have nothing in common. I can hold a conversation with them, but a lot of the time i have no interest in what i talk about to hold those conversations. I have met a few older people that i can have intriguing conversations with, but at my age most older people don't want to make friends with a younger person. So i feel isolated, I search desperately for other conscious minds, thats how i stumbled across this site, but in my area i haven't had much luck. I spend more time feeling like im in a 3rd person perspective around others. When i get home my mind just races at high speeds with all the thoughts i would like to share, but am not able to so my mind feels more like a prison, then a haven. I feel like its keeping me from going any further in my consciousness, keeping me grounded in a negativity, that i'm trying so desperately to get away from. Its just really difficult, and i'm hoping i can find some advice on how to change things for the better. Thank you for responding though melissa!

Much love to you too,
William

[Gizelle]

Hi William. Welcome. If you ask us I bet most of us were different when we were younger. Like Melissa, I too found myself up until a few years ago that is, withdrawn. I was outgoing about some things but I felt like a freak because I was so different from anyone I knew especially spiritually. It is hard for me to give suggestions when it comes to life ... but find people like you. And once you talk to them you'll find out they feel as you do. My feeling is this. If God wanted us to be alone, we'd have been born alone, each of us on a planet of our own! We are here on this Earth to live together.

[Victoria SkyDancer]

Firstly, merry meet and welcome! :-) You've found a good place.

Next, a question for you: do you journal at all?
If you don't, I'd highly recommend starting.
Writing the words down can get them out of your head and onto paper, where they can be looked at in new and different ways. Writing the ideas out and articulating them on paper can help you see life in new and exciting ways. Both can lead to AHA! moments you might not have experienced before.
A couple of excellent starting points:
The Artist's Way, Julia Cameron
Juicy Pens, Thirsty Paper, SARK

The start of the journey can be a challenge, especially so soon after radical change.
Patience & perseverance are the keys to success...along with support from your friends.
Yes, you will have lots of friends, for you've made the space in your life for the people you need - and who need you - to come and walk the path with you.
Or, as some good friends of mine like to say: The time of the lone wolf is over. :-)

Blessed Be,
VSD

[William Rivas]

well thank you everyone for responding. I have been making space in my life for friends. I met a guy recently who likes to play chess and ive been playing with him here and there. I am open and friendly. I read often and i do write at times. My writing is very sporatic and i just spew word vomit from my fingertips lol Something I am increasingly becoming confused about is God. I am just not sure if there is a God, or if God is something we conjure up out of a subconscious desire for more and to not accept the fact that we live 70-80 years tops on average and then game over. Like Gizelle you say "If God wanted us to be alone, we'd have been born alone, each of us on a planet of our own! We are here on this Earth to live together." but in my view i see a world of people that operate on a selfish secular level. Not to say there aren't exceptions to this statement but for I feel the majority of people who i come into contact with act like ants. Only stopping to interact with each other if it is benificial to themselves, unless there is some sort of bond which keeps people interacting with each other, myself included. Imagine a congregation of people at an event or a mall from an aerial view, and compare it to an ant hill. I imagine the two look very similar. At the moment i don't have to many options where to find people like me. I sit at the local bookstore often hoping for some interaction, but for the most part i feel alone. I am grateful for who I am and who i've become. I just feel like life is much slower now. I seek more. I seek conversation, guidance, and knowledge. I hope this site is one place to find some of that.
I will check out those books Victoria, thank you for telling me about them. And i will continue to write my thoughts out. and i thank you and gizelle and melissa for adding to my discussion. I appreciate it.

With love,
William

[Jim]

Hi, William --

Welcome to this special circle! (Many who are normally attentive to this site are meeting for a retreat together this weekend.)

Unlike you, perhaps, I've "been there, done that" in terms of making complete turnarounds (with another in the works as we speak!), but just like you, I've always felt different and alone, with few peers with whom to share my thoughts. Having lived on this earthly plane three times what you have, I still manage to pull the rug out from under myself from time to time, to get ever-closer to barefoot on the earth!

Yes, there's an endless list of books to read, and then another whole list, and another after that! I'm usually working on 3 or 4 at a time, sometimes in related areas of study, sometimes quite radically different, but always contributing to my overall perspective. Titles I might suggest off the top of my head would be The Power of Now, by Tolle, and Flow, by Csikszentmihalyi -- oh, and google Spiral Dynamics for a whole new perspective on human consciousness and culture! I could offer many recommendations if I knew better what you seek ....

You say that you have "set goals" -- that's a major milestone. From that point, your intent will guide you. Finding others with whom to share the journey will still be an ongoing challenge. I'd suggest finding a way to associate with others who share interests or values, as you have done in joining this website. Other venues might be a job, or volunteer work with a social action or political group, or even a recreationally oriented group into gardening or hiking, sailing or dancing. Beginning with values and interests in common, you'll find ways to extend relationships to greater depth in the realms you favor. You'll also find ways to make positive contributions to the lives of others. Miracles then are inevitable!

As Melissa pointed out, our feelings of being "outcast" are often more a matter of our own attitude than actual rejection by others. When we're feeling a need to connect, there are bound to be matters of mutual interest we can pursue to find companions along the way ... at least superficially at first.

What is most important, though, is that you remain true to yourself -- that core Self that you're getting to know. Trusting others, and having them trust you, can only happen once you trust yourself, and when you present yourself in a sincere way. Thanks for doing that here!

-- Jim